you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
