So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
