Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
