Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
