Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
