We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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