did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
