..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
