soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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