Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
