My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you would pick up someone in the library
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
