I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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