people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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