I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's blow job season.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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