Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
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i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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