The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
