Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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