Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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