Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize