I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
