I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
