My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
