We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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