Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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