Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
