My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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