If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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