I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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