That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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