I think I am morally bankrupt
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
