I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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