the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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