Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
