You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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