Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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