I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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