If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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