I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
