youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
