Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
