hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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