He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
