I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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