It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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