Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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