Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
