i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
