I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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