I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
