I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
