My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
