Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
