Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
