and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
